First 5 of 10 Surefire Tips for Increasing Your Self-Esteem

Self-talk is the inner chatter, thoughts that continually goes on in our mind. This inner chatter occurs at the rate of 150 words per minute and has a huge impact on our thinking, our feelings and behaviours. Most self-talk is negative. Negative self-talk is a mixture of half-truths, poor logic and distortions of reality that lower our self-esteem. The following ten tips are designed to increase your self-esteem and confidence by learning how to manage your self-talk.

1. MOTIVATION AND SELF-DETERMINATION
Having the will and desire to feel better about yourself means that you are naturally motivated and inspired to change. Self-determination means that you exercise your free will, freedom of choice and the right to direct your life and decisions. Motivation and self-
determination are critical factors in your goal towards increasing your self-esteem.

2. ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
Start off choosing to have a positive attitude. You may be thinking that your attitude, whether it is positive, negative or indifferent, is set in stone. However our attitudes, which begin to develop during childhood, can be changed.

3. COMMITMENT IS NECESSARY
All our goals for self-improvement are achieved when we are truly committed to change. Learning empowered self-talk is a process that takes place over time. When you are committed to increasing your self-esteem through empowered self-talk, the tasks that will lead to your success become a priority. Commitment means that the tasks are scheduled into the routine of your daily life just like going to the movies, doing laundry or shopping for food. Commitment to the process leads to success.

4. AWARENESS OF THINKING PATTERNS AND STYLES
Tune in - pay attention to what your self talk is saying. Become aware of the various styles and patterns of your negative self-talk. Examples of negative thinking patterns and styles are:

All or Nothing − "Either I change my negative thinking by next month or I quit trying." Break down your perceptions to see all the aspects such as the positive, the negative and the in-between. Provide yourself with options or choices whenever possible. Example "I want to feel better about myself so I will do my best to persevere and try different ways of doing so."

Shoulds − There are no "shoulds". Shoulds imply rules and standards of behaviour that are unrealistic and can result in guilt. For example, we may think we should have dinner with our extended family every Sunday. There is no law that you are breaking if you don't have a family dinner every Sunday. Replacing "should" with "could" allows for flexibility and the gift of choice - "We could have a family dinner every Sunday, bi-monthly or monthly."

Negative Labels - Using words and phrases such as "my illness" or "I'm sick" lowers self-esteem. The words and language we use becomes our identity and we begin to dislike who we are. Choosing healthy language indicates respect for yourself and others. Replacing a phrase such as "my illness" with healthier language such as "the challenges or issues I face" creates a more positive identity and helps tremendously in increasing self-esteem, confidence and recovery.

Absolute Thinking− Using words like "always", "never" and "everyone" exaggerate reality. For instance "I always think the worst of situations -- I will never be happy or satisfied with my life." Replacing exaggeration words that are more realistic, such as "I often think the worst of situations but I can change that in order to be happy and fulfilled",
allows for more flexibility and success.

Expecting the Worst - "What if they don't like me?" and "What if I fail the exam?" Expecting the worst causes unnecessary anxiety and does not encourage confidence. Instead, ask yourself questions that require positive outcomes such as "How can I make a good impression?" and "How can I prepare for the exam?"

Overgeneralizing - Thinking such as "Steve is a great guy but he doesn't want to date me", leads to the conclusion that " no great guys will ever want to date me." Overgeneralizing can lead to illogical and faulty conclusions. Instead, ask yourself if a single occurrence means that it will happen every time?

Catastrophizing - Every bad thing that happens becomes a huge crisis or disaster. Be realistic when you assess a situation. It is true that bad things do happen and many bad things are often inconveniences and mistakes - not necessarily traumas, tragedies or disasters.

* Note: If you are a voice hearer or suffer auditory hallucinations, you will need further resources and support

5. FLIP IT OVER
Every negative self-talk statement has an opposite side or the flip side. When you recognize a pessimistic thought imagine a big red stop sign and replace the thought with something more objective, honest and positive. Replace the negative with the positive. Example: "I'm going to fail that exam just like all the other times." When you 'Flip it Over' it might sound like: "I've done the homework and I will pass that exam with flying colours."

Stay tuned for the the remaining 5 on my next post. Your feedback is appreciated. Take care, Elly