Getting Along with Parents

By Catherine Steele

Winter is coming! For many of us, winter is officially kicked off by the holidays. Mention of the holidays brings memories of friends, food and celebrations but, most of all, of family and parents. Oh, parents. All of us have (had) them. They can be a source of love, support, frustration, stress... They are awesome!

For thousands of years, youth who have reached the wonderful age of 13 years have felt that their parents do not understand them. In a recent survey, 7,000 Canadian youth, aged 11 to 16 years, were asked if their parents understood them. Fifty-nine per cent answered "yes." Are you surprised? Well, the same question was asked to 319 youth with physical disabilities. How do you think they responded? Do you think more than 59 per cent answered yes, or fewer? The answer is more -- 73 per cent checked "yes," their parents understood them.

This is interesting. Youth with physical disabilities often need their parents support and help more than their peers without disabilities. This extra support and help may lead to a close bond forming between parent and offspring. The communication highway over the generation gap may have fewer "pot holes"!

But every relationship, even a good one, needs work. Moving from childhood, through adolescence and into adulthood, the relationship between parent and offspring should grow and change.

Let s look at one way this might be achieved. Parents can give assistance, advice, guidance -- all those things parents are known for. But parents can also recognize the unique abilities and aspirations of their maturing offspring, and give them appropriate responsibilities. For instance, offspring should be encouraged to choose the clothes they wear, remind others of times and dates, do chores around the home (e.g. make beds, set the table, wash dishes, clean the home), be a volunteer in the community, work part time and have a social life outside the family.

That communication highway can be used to decide what responsibilities are most suitable. Responsibilities can allow offspring to grow into their potential, to make the transition into adulthood easier.

So happy winter, and happy holidays. Parents and youth with physical disabilities: Keep on understanding one another, and keep the communication highway open and in good repair -- you can do it!

(If you have any other ideas about parenting, please let us know by calling Catherine Steele at Bloorview MacMillan Centre in Toronto, (416) 424-3855 (or 1-800-363-2440), ext. 3642. Or leave an e-mail message at ortccs@oise.utoronto.ca. Many thanks to the Easter Seal Research Institute for funding this research.)