Contacts vs. Friends: Bridging & Bonding

By Brian Smith

I found this interesting piece over at Social Circles Canada:

Many people, particularly those in the business world, can have hundreds if not thousands of acquaintances, associates and allies but few if any close, personal friends. Its easy to let yourself believe that because you are “socializing” at meetings, events and throughout your day that therefore you have lots of friends.

The key is whether or not you can answer yes to the following questions in regards to any of them:

Will they lend you money?
Will they help you move?
Will they look after your things while you are away?
Will they chip in and help in any way if you fall ill?

The field of science that deals with the negative health impacts of social isolation is called “social epidemiology”. The above questions are commonly used to determine if a person is socially isolated or not....

In the field of political science, a somewhat less quantitative approach than social epidemiology, they refer to two kinds of relationships – Bridging and Bonding. Bridging relationships are those that connect you with a social circle other than your own. These kinds of relationships help you get ahead. Bonding relationships are those within your own social circle. They help you get by.

There are several kinds of social relationships (platonic as opposed to romantic):

Acquaintances – you are recognized and acknowledged by some people
Associates – you have something to offer each other
Allies – you share similar interests or feelings with some people
Friends – you have a trust bond with another person

Of all the types of non-romantic relationships you can have, the only kind that produce the mental and physical health benefits is friendship. This is because human beings are, in zoological terms, social animals. Social animals, or pack animals, like wolves, lions and whales, depend on the group to acquire food and protect themselves – the two key elements of survival.

Humans, like all primates, are pack animals. In our case it is our close, personal friends, that constitute our sense of community and belonging and make us feel safe. Our physiological systems respond to this vital information and our mental and physical health improves if we feel we have some friends.

Acquaintances, associates and allies, which constitute the majority of bridging relationships, produce no such benefits.

Both types of relationships provide benefits no matter what age a person is however it is important to note that as one gets older, the bonding type of relationships are increasingly important. "Getting ahead" becomes less important while "getting by" becomes more important. The shift is from a focus on building financial capital to building social capital.

If you have any doubt about your own situation, ask yourself the above questions in regards to the people in your life. If four or more of them qualify as friends, and you see at least one of them on a weekly basis (it does not have to be the same one), your mental and physical health will reflect this in a positive way. If not, I suggest it might be time to move your focus on building bonding relationships.